


Midnight conversations

by PrincessRavenna



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Confessions, Crack Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Every charachter besides first three are only mentioned, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Minor Mel/Owen, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26461228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessRavenna/pseuds/PrincessRavenna
Summary: After a nigthmare, Jerry decided to take a walk, hear some relatonship advise and have in-bed confession.-----English is not my native language, so if there is any mishap, feel free to point it down in comments :)
Relationships: Jerry & Abby (The Last of Us), Joel/Jerry (The Last of Us)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Midnight conversations

**Author's Note:**

> All of the characters mentioned in this fic are not mine, they belong to Naughty Dog.  
> As I said, English is not my first language probably there are some mistakes
> 
> Anyways, enjoy :D

_I was preparing for this surgery. Even if I didn’t wanted to, but creating the cure for Cordyceps was worth all necessary sacrifices. Even if that means killing the girl whose immune to it. I was about to begin when suddenly door crashes open, some dark figure standing in the doorway. When I noticed this, I went for scalpel and said that I will not allow him to take the girl and I would stop him. This dark figure started walking towards me and I backed up in fear until my back met cart. The dark figure finally got to me, took the blade from my hand and stabbed my throat while still looking me in the eyes._

_I’ve heard someone scream in fear but it was muffled, like I were somewhere under water or in box made of thick glass. I couldn’t focus on that scream. All I could feel was blood that started to fill my lungs, forcing me to cough it out. There is so much blood everywhere, I can feel my life slip away between my fingers and that cursed scalpel logged in my larynx. With last bits of my strength I looked up to see the person who essentially is my murderer. When my eyes meet the dark figure’s face, I could not believe them…_

_No…_

_It could not be--_

_Joel_

* * *

Jerry startled awake with gasp. He franticly looked around, his breathing fast and shallow as if air couldn’t stay inside. After a minute or two he calmed himself enough to see that he isn’t in the operating room but in his own room drenched in darkness. Jerry took a big breath and glanced to his right and smiled in relief when he saw Joel sleeping undisturbed by surgeon’s nightmare. Jerry often wondered if smuggler knows about his night terrors but kept silent, waiting for him to open up about them. Joel always looked so peaceful in his sleep. During the day he always had a ‘permanent scowl’ written on his face which often scared the shit out of young recruits. Jerry sighed and decided to take a walk in order to clear his mind and breath some fresh air. He took Joel’s arm that was resting on his abdomen and laid it gently on bed. Then he got up from the bed and took some shirt from wardrobe to put on. When exiting the bedroom, Anderson looked at Joel last time to make sure that he did not wake up and closed door.

St. Mary’s Hospital’s halls are quiet and empty - excluding occasional patrol – which it’s not surprising considering on how late into night is. Jerry wandered aimlessly through hallways, trying to forget what saw in his dream but it was harder than he thought. He found a place to sit down which he took this opportunity gladly because he was exhausted. After he sat down, doctor leaned his head against the wall and took big breath. Some Fireflies on a patrol had noticed him and asked:

\- Is everything OK, doc?- One Firefly asked hesitantly. Jerry looked up and saw that both of them were looking quite nervous. Anderson did not know if that was caused by the fact that they were talking to their superior or they thought that the Fireflies only surgeon was seriously ill. Whatever the reason, Jerry didn’t care. He just wants to be alone. So he responded:

-Everything is fine Private. I just wanted some fresh air.-

-Are you sure?- one of them asked.

-Yes, I am. Now go continue your patrol, I wish to be alone.- Jerry said it with tone o finality.

They looked at each other, then at him and nodded, biding ‘good nights’ as they walked away. He watched as they strolled away, eventually disappearing behind the corner. Big sigh came out of him and he tried to think about everything but his nightmare. But it didn’t stop those ugly thoughts from entering his mind. His boyfriend _killed_ him. His rational part of his mind reasoned that was only a dream, this scenario will _not_ happen. But… Jerry knew that Joel could and would kill someone if needed, he saw it with his own eyes how smuggler murdered two FEDRA soldiers during their trip for supplies years ago.

* * *

_*3 years ago*_

_Jerry was three steps away from a massive sunburn, his entire face was red from sun .He should have taken something on the head. Him and Joel had been on this supply run for over two weeks with only small successes. Smuggler on the first days of this trip insisted on going to the closest Wal-Mart to see if there is something worth taking despite what Jerry said about it being empty for years. When they had finally gotten there and Joel saw that there was nothing but worthless trash (“Told you so” Jerry said. Joel scoffed at that.), he decided to go to towns near Salt Lake City and scavenge over there. They were currently in Provo just by their Wal-Mart when Miller suddenly asked:_

_-I forgot to ask, why_ you , _of all the Fireflies, decided to go on this supply run? I thought you enjoyed being a surgeon.-_

_Jerry looked at Joel and smiled fondly._

_-I do love being a doctor, I really do. But sometimes you need to take a break in order to avoid a serious case of burnout. You know what I mean, right?- doctor answered truthfully._

_-Yeah, I get it.- Joel noted, looking around -Alright, let’s go to the city centre and see what--, -he wasn’t able to finish the sentence when Jerry nearly shouted:_

_-Look over there! FEDRA truck!-_

_Miller glanced where Anderson was pointing at, and there indeed was a FEDRA truck. This truck was standing in the middle of street and didn’t looked like it was abandoned. Then suddenly three FEDRA soldiers jump out of it and pointed their guns at two men demanding to tell them names and purpose in this town. When surgeon and smuggler refuse to do so, one of the soldiers head butted Jerry with rifle. That prompted Joel to attack the other two soldiers. Jerry shoot the one who attacked him with his pistol ,he glimpsed with corner of his eye and noticed on how Joel brutally murders two remaining troops. After he was done, he took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down, stared at Anderson asking:_

_-Are you alright?-_

_-Yeah, I’m fine.- Jerry sighed. Joel nodded, looked at truck and declared:_

_-You know what, I say we take this car and go back to Salt Lake.-_

_-Fine with me- surgeon replied._

_Jerry didn’t mention how scary it was for to look at smuggler killing two people so effortlessly and act as it was nothing special. Anderson opted for staring at the road as Joel drives thought the city._

* * *

It was absolutely _terrifying_. Then he reminded himself that he was in favor of killing Ellie in order to create a cure for Cordyceps. Ellie, whose for Joel is a daughter. Joel killed for less. This mental struggle occupied his entire mind to the point that he stopped paying attention to his surroundings and didn’t noticed when someone approached him.

-What are you doing up so late, dad?- a female voice called out

Jerry jumped startled and looked up to see who was the owner of the voice. It was Abby. Of course it was her.

-I could ask you the same question, Abs.- Jerry responded

-I’m 20 years old, dad. I don’t need a curfew like when I was younger.-

-Are you sure about that?-

Both stared at each other and started laughing. Jerry asked his daughter:

-On the serious note, why are you still doing up? It’s rather late.-

-Me, Ellie, Owen, Mel and Manny are having a game night. Manny found during his patrol a board game called ‘Monopoly’ with every piece and we decided to give it a try.-

-In the old world, we colloquially called this ‘The Friendship Destroyer’-

-I can see why, Ellie has dominated us and Manny looked like he regretted ever finding this game.-

Jerry chuckled at that. He still couldn’t believe how quickly Abby and Ellie became friends. His daughter was first to approach the immune girl and treated her like she was normal teenager. After they became friends Abby introduced her to rest of the crew. And that was only four years ago. She crossed her arms on chest and said:

-You never answered my question, dad.-

Jerry sighed and still looking at his hands uttered:

-I … just… I just had a nightmare about the surgery.- Abby frowned at that and inquired

-Really? About what specifically?-

-About… what would happen if we went with my plan on acquiring the vaccine and Joel’s reaction to it.-

The surgeon could not describe how grateful he was for Marlene convincing him to not perform the terminal surgery and proposing taking some of cerebrospinal fluid and try to make a cure out of it. Jerry has been skeptical but he gave it a try, and thank God it worked, they were able to create a working vaccine without resorting to killing an innocent girl. Abby hummed and asked:

-How do you think he would react?-

-… I don’t know… I think he would … harm me to some extend…- He dropped out a detail about his fate in his dream. Abby didn’t have to know that.

-You really think so?-

Jerry shrugged but Abby was able to see uneasiness in her father eyes. She choose to not mention it. Instead she gave a small advise.

-You should talk to him about that.-

-You think this would help?- doctor asked.

-Well…, people in relationship usually talk to each other about their problems.- Female replied jokingly.

-Just like you and Owen, huh?-

Abby chuckled, shaking her head

-You will always bring that up when I try to give some relationship advise.-

-You two only stayed together so I wouldn’t be upset, which was stupid, and after you broke up, you practically occupied our gym and gained more muscle than most of Fireflies thought it was possible.-

-Ha ha, very funny dad. Well, if any good thing came out of break up, at least Owen is in happy relationship with Mel.-

Jerry smiled at that. He’d hated if Abby would be still hung over it.

-But seriously, you should talk to Joel. I mean… you two know each other for five years and been together for half of it. I think it’s far enough in relationship to talk about personal problems.- Jerry had to admit, it was truth but he didn’t want to say it so he changed the topic.

-Since you mentioned Mel, how is she?-

-She’s mostly fine. Since it’s 5th month of her pregnancy, she’s been happy as seven hells and cursing Owen and threaten to cut his dick off interchangeably.- Abby gladly took the change of topic.

Jerry started laughing along with Abby for few minutes and finally said:

-Thanks for the talk Abs, I… really needed one.-

-No problem dad- Abby said with smile on her face.

-Alright, it’s time for both of us to go to bed.-

Abby agreed on that they both went on their separate ways to theirs sleeping quarters. Jerry started thinking through what his daughter said and decided to give it a try.

* * *

Jerry snuck back into his room and noticed that his boyfriend was still sleeping. Good. He didn’t want to wake him up unnecessarily. Doctor quietly sit down on bed and looked over his shoulder. Joel seemed to be sleeping. Anderson bit his lip trying to decide whether to wake his lover and have this conversation or wait until morning when they are more lucid. Jerry settled on waiting until morning. He took a big sigh and lied down on the bed facing the smuggler. Jerry started to fall asleep when suddenly rough with sleep voice grumbled out:

-A penny for your thoughts?-

Jerry almost jumped out of his skin when he heard Joel’s voice. Surgeon glanced at smuggler’s face and saw a faint smile adorning his mug. God, Jerry loved this man to the fault.

-I thought you were still sleeping.- Anderson spoke softly

-I was but when I turned in sleep and tried to feel your form, I only found empty sheets.-

-Well… I woke up and… decided to get some fresh air.- Jerry responded trying _not_ to look in his boyfriends eyes in effort to hide his vulnerable emotions. Miller huffed and said:

-You know, you are the most magnificent doctor and surgeon I’ve ever encountered but you can’t lie for shit. So, what’s on your mind?-

-I… I j-just…-

Anderson couldn’t force his words to come out of his mouth as if his tongue twisted itself into a knot. Joel waited patiently for his lover to gather his thoughts. He didn’t wanted to rush him. So, he took Jerry’s hand and squeeze a little to reassure his boyfriend. Doctor took a big calming breath and slowly started:

-… When you came along with Ellie, I… really wanted to create this vaccine so humanity could recover from this pandemic, so… I proposed that we...-

-… you’d perform the surgery that would kill Ellie for creating a cure directly from the fungus that grows in her brain but Marlene convinced you to not do that.- Smuggler finished surgeons sentence.

Jerry’s eyes widened in shock and he gaped unable say a word. Joel smirked and chuckled:

-Caught you of guard, huh?-

-How…?-

-She told me. You would not believe, how much I wanted to punch you hard enough to break your jaw and knock out all of your teeth.- Miller stated.

Jerry hummed and gathered courage to ask:

-So… what would you do if we went with my idea?-

-Back when I didn’t knew you or rest of the Fireflies, I think, I would cut down everyone standing in my way of saving her and I would kill you by stabbing you to your throat with your scalpel you would brandish like a weapon.-

Jerry involuntarily flinched at Joel’s last words and started slightly trembling but immediately tried to keep still which failed miserably. Joel smile disappeared instantly and worried for his lover and pondered what happened. Joel initially thought that maybe this reaction was caused by mentioning on that he would kill Fireflies to get to Ellie. But… that wasn’t it. When Joel mention his murders across his years, Jerry always either rolled his eyes or say that “Violence is not always the answer, darling.”, sometimes even both. But _never_ like this. Not with shaking and flinching. Smuggler went back to what he just said thinking maybe this upset him. He mentioned on killing members f militia and then said that he would murder—oh. Oh. Joel gently cupped Jerry’s cheek and whispered:

-You had a nightmare about this, didn’t you…-

Anderson, not trusting his own words, nodded and bit his lip in attempt to stop tears from falling out. He wasn’t successful with that, tears started making their way on his cheeks, so he turned around, his back facing his boyfriend. He can’t cry, he isn’t _allowed_ to cry. Not in front of his Joel, who went through so much. Joel saddened by this, griped Jerry’s shoulder and gently mumbled:

-Hey, look at me…-

Doctor did what was asked for, while aggressively rubbing his eyes, took breath shakily and said:

-It’s so stupid, I shouldn’t cry because of a idiotic nightmare. God… why I even react so-,-

-Hey, stop that.- Miller interrupted. - You have every right to cry, it’s OK.-

Jerry swallowed this invisible ball in his throat and asked:

-Would you really do it?-

-Yes, I would then, but not now.-

-Why? And why not now! I…I…I threatened to kill Ellie, your daughter--,-

-Surrogate daughter.-

That made Jerry shut up. That didn’t make sense. His boyfriend always spoke about Ellie as if she was his child.

-What do you mean?-

Joel squeezed his jaw when this question was asked. Of course, Jerry would asked about this. So he took a big breath to prepare himself and spoke:

-I once had a biological daughter. Her name was Sarah.-

Jerry was silent, afraid that if he say something, Joel would change his mind.

-It was my birthday, Sarah gave me a watch as a birthday present… Then, later in the night, our neighbor broke into our house. The neighbor was infected. I shot him. Then me, her and my brother started to run where we would be safe. The infected were right behind our backs. We finally made there and US soldiers shot those infected. I thought we were safe but the soldier was ordered to shoot us. He started to do so and I barely was able to dive for cover while Sarah screamed. Before he was able to finish his deed, Tommy shot him but, to my horror, I discovered that my daughter was wounded. Fatally. In the abdomen. … S-she died… in my arms. I couldn’t move on from her death even twenty years after it happened. Only Ellie was able to… fill this hole in my heart. And I am forever grateful for that.-

Jerry was stunned. It was horrible. He didn’t want to think what he would do if same thing happened to Abby. This story also explains why Joel still wears this unrepairable watch, it was the last thing that was left after Sarah.

-I’m so sorry, Joel. I… don’t know what to say…-

-It’s alright…-

Both of them was quiet and Joel whispered:

-I’m sorry-

-For what?-

-You are afraid of me--.-

-No, Joel. Yes I was before but I know that you would not harm people you care about on purpose.-

This seemed to calm smuggler enough, since he smiled. He planted a kiss on Jerry’s lips and said:

-I love you-

-I love you too.-

-Let’s go to sleep, alright?-

-Fine by me- Jerry answered with smile on his face.

Both snuggled to each other and fall into a peaceful slumber. Anderson hadn’t had an another nightmare about surgery that night. Abby was right, you need to talk about your problem to your partner. No matter how hard it is.

**_Fin_**

**Author's Note:**

> Me: alright, I have an idea you should fit it in few hundred words  
> Brain: OK  
> *3000 words later*  
> Me to my brain: Why you have to be like this -,-
> 
> This is my first fic, I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
